Capturing the essence of Holden Caulfield

This title might bring to mind vials, syringes, and other tools of that nature. Let me assure you that I would never do something so disgusting to represent a literary work.

(Not in this post, anyway.)

During a mock legislative session -- this is what I do with my summers, you see -- my friend passed me a note that, in an excitingly brief manner, managed to encompass the complex themes of The Catcher in the Rye.

I don't have a scanner, but I think an approximate representation will do.

--

SIDE 1:

Catcher in the Rye Fan Fic
SEX, PHONICS & NEW YORK
"Changed me life!" - Every Student
[Insert shoddily drawn pictures of cigs and alc]

SIDE 2:

Phony phony phony phony phony phony phony phony
Phony phony phony phony phony phony phony phony
Phony phony phony phony phony phony phony phony
Phony phony phony phony phony phony phony phony
Phony phony phony phony phony phony phony phony
Phony phony phony phony phony phony phony phony
Phony phony phony phony phony phony phony phony
phony phony phony phony phony I don't like phonies.
I like my sister. She isn't a phony.
That really gets me.

--

Brilliant interpretation.

No one likes Tess of the d'Urbervilles

It's really funny, because every single English teacher I've had has tried to convince me that this is a work of great significance and weight. And I usually sort of agree with my English teachers.

NOOOOOT THIS TIME!

Significance (n):
A term attributed to a book whose useless symbolism catapults it toward the 600 page zone, where it is instantly deemed a work of genius.

Weight (n):
A term attributed to a book whose whiny, self-deprecating characters make you want to kill yourself with a very heavy anvil.

Anyway...

When you nix the fluff, the core story fits onto one page, give or take (but mostly take). My friend and I felt the need to present this tale of significance and weight in a more easily digestible format:

The mad-lib.

And that's all you will ever, ever need to know.