What do Jay Gatsby and Lil Mama have in common?

So much more than you thought.

Before venturing down to my bastardized lyrics, I suggest you take a look at Lil Mama's "Lip Gloss." 

I love this video more than anyone will ever know. I love it so much that I tried combining it with one of my favorite fucked up protagonists. And you know what? It kind of worked. Give it up for my homegirl, The Great Gatsby.

- -

WOLFSHEIM
Jay, what's wrong?

GATSBY
Wolfsheim, I just want to be a part of the cool crowd... I just feel like I don't have what it takes...

WOLFSHEIM
I have something here for you. Gambling? It worked for me.

GATSBY
The champagne is poppin', it's poppin', it's poppin', it's poppin'
(I gotta bootleg, cuz if I don't
It's over).

Nick, what you know 'bout me?
What you what you know 'bout me?
What you know 'bout me?

NICK
Are we really out to lunch?

GATSBY
They say my parties are cool
My champagne be poppin'
I'm standing at the entrance
And all the guests keep stoppin'

What you know 'bout me?
What you what you know 'bout me?
What you know 'bout me?
What you what you know?!

They say my champagne is poppin'
My champagne is cool
All the guests need proppin'
I dunk them in my pool!

DAISY
Tom, I don't know if we should stay...

GATSBY
Satin shirts and silver, yep, 'cause I'm worth it
Love the way I puts them on so perfect
Deal with these bitches so I can work it
When I walk down the hall, well...

NICK
They think you're a murderer.

GATSBY
Oh, oh, oh, my suits so luscious
Damn it all, nothing rhymes with luscious.

NICK
You're a perfectionist, but Daisy blushes?

GATSBY
That's 'cuz I make all the ladies have crushes!

What you know 'bout me?
What you what you know 'bout me?
What you know 'bout me?
What you what you know?!

They say my parties are cool
My champagne be poppin'
I'm standing at the entrance
And all the guests keep stoppin'

What you know 'bout me?
What you what you know 'bout me?
What you know 'bout me?
What you what you know?!

They say my champagne is poppin'
My champagne is cool
All the guests need proppin'
I dunk them in my pool!

When it's time for lunch
My suits still rock
Lil Great Gatsby with tha hot pink top
Brandy, vodka
Flavors is a virtual -- they,
Lovin', booze is universal!
West Eggers like it, East Eggers hate
Rollin' they eyes at my estate
It ain't my fault but I could upgrade ya
Show you how to be a little bourgeois!

TOM
Uh, no thanks.

GATSBY 
The champagne is poppin', it's poppin', it's poppin', it's poppin'
The champagne is poppin', it's poppin', it's poppin', it's poppin'

Sittin' in my house
Guess Daisy don't love me -- 

DAISY
Nope.

GATSBY
Oh... um. This is awkward. 

DAISY

[Excruciatingly long and aristocratic pause]

GATSBY

Blast these currents. I'm borne back ceaselessly into tacky hip hop.