No one likes Tess of the d'Urbervilles

It's really funny, because every single English teacher I've had has tried to convince me that this is a work of great significance and weight. And I usually sort of agree with my English teachers.

NOOOOOT THIS TIME!

Significance (n):
A term attributed to a book whose useless symbolism catapults it toward the 600 page zone, where it is instantly deemed a work of genius.

Weight (n):
A term attributed to a book whose whiny, self-deprecating characters make you want to kill yourself with a very heavy anvil.

Anyway...

When you nix the fluff, the core story fits onto one page, give or take (but mostly take). My friend and I felt the need to present this tale of significance and weight in a more easily digestible format:

The mad-lib.

And that's all you will ever, ever need to know.